8-22-21 A better night with a rough start

 (Tricia)

To clarify the last line in Marilyn’s last post, I try to be a bit softer than that might make it seem! When I talk to Linda about why she believes she cannot make it through this, I tell her she doesn’t need to give up so easily because she is stronger than she realizes. I tell her that I realize this is incredibly hard for her—the hardest thing she’s ever done in her life—but that she can make it through this if she works with the therapists and doesn't give up.

Tonight when we arrived, she was in tears. As she had with Marilyn earlier today, she asked why no one there would let her leave and said that she just wanted to go home. It was so wrenching, because I know that if I were her, I would want nothing more than to be home as well. I can only imagine how difficult it is for her to not be able to get up and leave of her own accord, and then have her family tell her they cannot take her home. 

At one point, she was convinced that she could make it across the room to the bathroom herself. But when she couldn’t pull herself up, she burst into tears. I cried right with her. She just doesn’t understand why her body won’t do what she wants it to do, and in that moment, I could tell she felt trapped and hopeless. We called the nurses in to help her, and while they were with her, Ed and I went out in the hallway and discussed once again what it would take to bring Linda home.  But it comes down to safety—we simply can’t move her safely from point A to point B yet.  

Not to mention, while we were there, the nurse came in to check Linda’s blood sugar. It was 557, which is dangerously high. Bringing Linda home wouldn’t just be about safely moving her about, but also managing her sugar levels. We already know from experience that her sugar levels are precarious right now, and watching the medical professionals struggle to manage it makes me that much more anxious at the thought of trying to manage it on our own.

The night got off to a rocky start, but after that, Linda began to cheer up. I told her that she would have to work with the therapists and with us to get stronger, so she could get better and get out of there. With Marilyn, she said she wasn't going to work with the therapists, but she promised me that she would “if they would see me, but they never come to see me.” With Marilyn in the morning, she says she will refuse to do therapy at all. With me in the evening, she says she is convinced that the therapists never come to work with her. So, I told her that Marilyn would take video of her next physical therapy session so that she could see that they do. I actually had one picture I had taken on my phone of her getting therapy, and when I showed her that picture, she nodded her head as if she took it as acceptable evidence! She also said she would work with me to get stronger as well.

I’ve read that tai chi is good exercise for people with brain injuries, to help the two sides of their brains reconnect, so I pulled up a 15-minute tai chi video on YouTube. To my surprise, Linda agreed to do the video with me. She had trouble lifting her right arm (she has a nasty bruise on her right shoulder from her fall a few nights ago that causes her pain), but she still did almost the entire video. At one point, she closed her eyes and said she was too tired to finish.  I checked the time on the video and told her she had less than a minute left to finish, so I hit “play” again to see what would happen, and she opened her eyes and finished it out. I told her I was so proud of her for staying with it until the end.  I asked if she would do another tai chi workout with me tomorrow night, and she said she would. I’m hoping she remembers!

While we were swapping the television from cable to the Roku, Ed and I were joking as we were trying to get it to work, and Linda asked, “How do you two get along so well?” And Ed responded, “Because I’m so much smarter than she is.” And I smacked him and told him that I surely thought he was mistaken, and Linda laughed at both of use—we’re always glad when we can get her to laugh!

After the nurses had settled her in bed from the night, we chatted a bit more. We talked with her about her house in Mountain View.  She even talked a little about what she would like to do in the future (which includes getting a house she likes better than the one she has now!).  

Around 9:00 we got ready to leave for the night, and we told her that we’d be back tomorrow. She thanked us for being there with her, and we told her we would be there for her as long as she needs. 

We’ll keep trying to keep her hope up, although I can see how easy it might be to lose it. All and all, though, tonight was a good night. We’ll hang onto that as long as we can and just hope we can have more good nights in the future.