8-7-2022 'It's a free-for-all in there...'

Photo by James Wainscoat on Unsplash

(Tricia)

Things have been relatively quiet for the past week. We have been trying to play a "memory game" with Linda in which we ask her to try to remember three words that I chose at random: hummingbird, bus, and chocolate. But, unfortunately, her memory has not improved very much from where it was after her second hip surgery. She can remember that we presented her with three words to remember (which is an improvement itself, I suppose!), but she rarely can remember the words themselves. Sometimes she remembers "hummingbird," likely because we're often pointing to the hummingbirds at the feeder that's just outside her window. We also love hummingbirds because when we see one, it reminds us of Mother. 

But the other two words are rare. What's funny is that for "bus" she usually comes up with related words like carpool or limousine. which indicates her brain is registering it as a vehicle. A few times, she has come back with Liverpool, which might be an odd combination of both. Once, when we asked her if she remembered her three words, she replied, "Yes, they're 'Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy'!" Your guess is as good as mine. :-)

I've asked her why she thought she could not hold onto these words in her mind, in an attempt to gain some insight into how her brain is working now. Once, she said she couldn't remember the words because "'bus' was too big.'" Another time, she more humorously said, "I can't remember the words because it's just a 'free-for-all' in there!"  That gave us a much-needed laugh, and I'm sure "a free-for-all" is pretty descriptive of her state of mind.

She still asks for Mother, but less often than a few weeks ago. I have made another printout that reminds her of where she is, what has happened, and that Mother and other family members are no longer with us. We keep it on the board next to her bed and show it to her when she asks about Mother. For reasons I can't quite understand, she gets really upset when we try to tell her that Mother has passed away, but she accepts it far more easily when she reads it on paper. We try to distract her when we can, but when she insists, we're not sure what else to do.

We also try to get Linda up in the wheelchair as often as possible, so she can sit up for a while. We've had a few good days. Last Saturday, Ed and the caregiver actually got her in the wheelchair and took her outside to the patio. I took the rare opportunity to go out with friends, and when I got home late that afternoon, I found the three of them out back enjoying dinner, which was very nice. Another day last week, Marilyn came over, and we got Linda into the chair, and Marilyn, Linda, the caregiver, and I had burgers and fries delivered, which was fun.

Unfortunately, Linda often refuses to get up--sometimes, she insists she's "already been up three times today." When the truth is, of course, that she hasn't been out of bed in a couple of days.

Last week, I called the in-home physical therapy service that I had been in contact with earlier in the summer. Now that Linda has a primary care physician, we can actually order the services. The representative from the PT service said they should be able to see Linda within the next two weeks. While Linda is still on hospice, we will have to pay for the sessions out of pocket, but we will start with just twice a week and see what happens. She is still afraid of movement and very sensitive to pain, just as she was before she broke her hip. If we can't overcome those challenges, the PT might not work. If Linda responds to the PT and shows improvement, then we can move her off hospice. If not, that will give us a different answer. It might not be the answer we want, but it will be an answer nonetheless. 

The past two or three weeks very draining for me, so I've been spending more time than usual in the back of the house. I know I need to take more of a break, and I'll look for other, more productive ways to recharge. But for now, just spending more time to myself is the break that I'm taking. It's tinged with a bit of guilt for not spending more time with Linda, but my goal is to regain some energy and then jump back into everything more fully after that.